Ask Ashley: Overwhelm in underwear

My boyfriend has a huge lingerie lingerie china fetish. He loves me in anything with lace, and especially anything sheer. But sometimes I worry that he’s more interested in my Victoria’s Secrets than my actual secret spot. How can I tell if the fetish has gone too far?

Loving lingerie is just fine. This is what’s wrong with women today: You start a relationship wearing sexy lingerie for your man, and then after a little bit, once you get comfortable, you just don’t feel like doing it anymore. Come on, it’s lingerie! A pretty harmless “fetish”— if it can even be classified as one— if you ask me. You should feel sexy and confident that he loves looking at you in it. It’s not like he’s going out with some woman behind your back to satisfy his urges. Personally, I think there is nothing sexier than a woman with a sick pair of high heels accompanied by beautiful pieces of lingerie. Not only is it hot for your man to look at, seeing yourself look so sensuous can be a major turn-on for you as well.

The only potential issue is if you have some body issues, which every woman has from time to time, regardless of how attractive she is. Maybe the real problem here is you and not him. I know when I gain a few pounds I feel like jumping into my cotton pajamas rather than slipping on a silk nightie. When that happens, you have to step back and get yourself back on the right page. Focus on yourself and take care of your body. Go to the gym for an hour, five days a week, and get back to what makes you feel secure and sexy in your own skin. At the end of the day, it’s up to you to be the person your husband or boyfriend fell in love with. Otherwise, it’s just false advertising.

In bars I have a hard time socializing with strangers. However, I’ve found that on the subway I’m able to open up to someone if I see he is reading Jonathan Franzen. Personally, if I saw a man reading in a bar, I’d want to walk right up to him and start a life together. So, is it OK for me to read in a bar, hoping my literary prince will notice me? Or am I just a weird bookworm?

If that’s what you like, then do it! However, in order to meet your bookish boyfriend, I think you should be reading all over the city, not just in bars! You might be isolating yourself and taking yourself out of the book-loving scene. Read in a cool lounge, a coffeehouse and a neat book store. You also should definitely be hitting all of the top literary hangouts around the city.

Going to those obvious places will only increase your chances of meeting guys who share the same interest as you. Get out there and get reading, you little bookworm, and see what potential literary princes the Big Apple has to offer!